THE Mission was MY Mission

One year ago today I returned home from the best 18 months of my life. Flash back three years ago this month...

Up until August of 2011 I had convinced myself that I never was going on a mission. I had little desire and I had a lot of fear. I was fearful of so many things that I won't go into detail about that now. I had just graduated from college, I had already seen many guy friends go and return, by now I had seen many girl friends go and return as well. Why was I feeling the tug to go? Why now? I had a brother already out and I had another brother preparing to leave in the near future. With my dad unemployed I felt a heavy burden. Not only was that going to make three missionaries, but I didn't even want to go. I had a testimony that the Gospel was true, but no desire to serve a mission. Yet, somehow, I felt the need to start my papers.

Without telling anyone, except my parents and bishop, I started the process. All of a sudden, it is Halloween and a big white envelope arrives. I was at the kitchen table when my dad casually walked by and set it in front of me. After a second, I realized what it was and my heart sank. With family excited all around, I walked into my room closed the door and just stared at this white envelope.

For those who may not understand: this white envelope contained the location I would be serving in, the day I would leave, and the language I'd be speaking. What am I thinking?! This is the dumbest thing you've ever thought to do! Why am I doing this? This would not be the first time these questions ran through my mind.

I sent a quick text to all my friends: "My mission call came in today! I'll be opening it up at 7pm if you want to stop by! Also, surprise :)" So, almost as bewildered as I, my friends showed up in their Halloween getup and watched my open me mission call.

The first thing I saw was: "Sister Jackson" and "Texas Houston East" and "February." It was almost all at once. I then read it out loud for everyone to hear. Cheers and claps and tears!

Some ask if I was disappointed when I saw it was state-side but I really can't tell you. I was more dreading the fact that I had just received a mission call-regardless of where I was going. I was terrified! I knew it was the right thing but, oh, how I did not want to do it. I was so fearful.

The next few months were all preparation and denial. The best thing that happened to me between receving my call and my report to the Missionary Training Center (MTC) was when I attended the temple in November. My grandmother was able to be there with me. And, this would be the last time I would see her in this life. What a happy and precious memory that was! My experience with the temple is another matter entirely. But, it was a wonderful day!

February came and I wasn't too excited about that. But, it came. I felt the Spirit nudging me and telling me it was the right direction, but it was still very hard to do. I wasn't fearful of being homesick. (And, in fact, I didn't feel homesickness very often of which I'm grateful) I can't explain what exactly I was fearful of. Actually, much of it may be too personal to share on a public blog. But, understand that I was putting on a good face for people when they asked me about my excitement of going on a mission.

I am not one for long goodbyes. Say goodbye and get going. And, that is what I did. My family drove me to the airport, took a couple photos and then I was gone. Walking through that airport alone took steps of faith. I was faking it until I made it. I sat in my seat by the window. As I looked out I could see a family waving goodbye from the top of the parking garage. It was my family. And, soon I watched them and Arizona fade away. Not to be seen again for 18 months.

As we flew, I looked across the aisle from me at another fellow missionary. His face showed what I felt. What am I thinking?! This is the dumbest thing you've ever thought to do! Why am I doing this? He stared into the distance not noticing anything around him and I watched as he wiped away a tear. This kid was 19 and I was 23. Surely I should have been more mature and courageous. But, fear knows no age limit I guess.

I reported the MTC and it was a blast. It was tough. I cried myself to sleep most nights because I was so scared. But, the days were good! I loved my companions, I loved my district. I felt bonded with these people. I wanted to do good.

Then, the day came that I was to fly to Texas. I. Did. Not.Want.To.Go. Have I made that clear yet? If they had asked me to stay at the MTC for 18 months I would've gladly accepted! But, that is not what happened. I flew to Texas, met my Mission President, and felt so overwhelmed. My outfit wasn't even comfortable. I felt so frumpy! What am I thinking?! This is the dumbest thing you've ever thought to do! Why am I doing this? 

The time came for me to have my first interview with President Crawford. I couldn't help it. From the moment I sat down, I began to sob uncontrollably. My words were barely audible as I expressed to him how fearful I was. My dear Mission President sat forward in his chair, listened to every word, and was so patient with me. I could feel his love for me and he had only met me a few short hours earlier.

I barely slept that night and I dreaded the next day when I'd have to go to work for real.

I met my trainer the next day. She was wonderful! I am so grateful to her for all her love, patience, and wisdom. My first area was Baytown. I grew to love Baytown and my love for the work slooooowwwwwly increased. I was loving the learning and every now and then I'd have a shot of confidence, but it wasn't solid yet.

I remember listening to departing missionaries say "I wish I could start over just like you. I don't want to go home. I want to stay for as long as I can." And, I remember thinking, "You are lying. You are lying to me! You are only saying that to make me feel better." I didn't believe them and I promised that when my time came, I wouldn't say that. I would later realize how wrong I was.

Three months later I was transferred to Humble. That was a refiner's fire. My dear companion tried her very best to help me. She loved me and she served me. I would not have it. I was at an all-time low. I wasn't happy and I didn't want to be there. What am I thinking?! This is the dumbest thing you've ever thought to do! Why am I doing this? It was a six week struggle. I look back now and I am so grateful for the prayers and love my companion gave on my behalf. I can never repay her.

After six weeks, I was then transferred to Woodville. I didn't know it then, but Woodville would change my life. My companion and I had 6 months of combined experience. We really didn't know what we were doing. But, during that time I developed leadership skills I didn't know I had. I began to love the people more than I thought possible. The experiences I had in Woodville could probably fill a book. So, I won't share them all here. However, I will say that I had many highs and lows while serving in this little town.

I was blessed to serve in Woodville for 11 months. 8 transfers, 4 companions. Those were the Golden Days as I like to call them. I learned who most everyone was. By the time I left there weren't many homes that I hadn't visited or doors I hadn't knocked. I had learned who these people were. I learned of their triumphs, their failures, and the struggles they had overcome. I learned their testimonies, I learned their stories. From this little town of Saints I learned more of what the pure love of Christ was. I loved Woodville. I loved the Woodville Branch.

Somewhere, sometime during my stay in Woodville, I found my desire to be a missionary. I found a stronger testimony. I knew a mission was the right and crucial decision for my life. And, as a result, I began to work hard to show that desire. I had finally found it! And, that made all the difference!

During my time in Woodville, an announcement was made that the minimum age requirement for missionaries was lowered to 18 more men and 19 for women. That was exciting! Yet, at that historical moment I did not know the mental and physical toll I would pay for it!

With three months left until I came home, I was transferred to Crosby, TX. Due to the age change, we saw a wave of missionaries flood the mission. I was opening a new area, I was training a couple young missionaries, and I was doing training exchanges with other sister missionaries nearly twice a week. My mental and physical toll was beginning. I was dizzy, I wasn't sleeping, I was stressed about going home, etc. It was a wonderful experience. Difficult, but good. I wouldn't trade it. I, along with 6 other sisters, was "writing the new handbook" as we called it. Everything that was changing about missionary work was being tested and tried with us. It was exciting but it was exhausting.

Soon, much sooner than I had wanted, I was to report home. Through a series of events, I was blessed to stay in the mission home for a few days prior to my release. I was blessed to welcome new missionaries and talk with them. It was exciting!

My final transfer meeting came and it was crazy! I was saying goodbye to so many people. Then, the time came for my final testimony. I remembered the departing missionaries I had never believed. I now understood. And, I shared that. I would like to stay and I knew that they were telling the truth. I had changed.

The time for my final interview came. I went into President Crawford's office confident and happy. We laughed for a bit together and then he said, "Sister Jackson, this is a lot different than your first interview. What have you learned?" I told him that I had learned more about faith and love. My testimony had been strengthened so much that I felt more confidence in me and in my God. He smiled and said, "I hope that you remember that you can do hard things." And I knew it was true. As we talked some more we cried a bit, but not like the first time :) It was so amazing to me to see who I once was and to see who I was now. The Atonement of Jesus Christ does more than just forgive sins (which is so necessary!) it also gives us strength to climb mountains that are too big for us to climb.

That night I slept in the same bed that I had slept in my first night in Texas. And, just like that first night, I didn't sleep. Only this time is was for different reasons. I got up, went to the Houston Temple and breakfast with the other departing missionaries. I was the only missionary not flying to Utah. So, I was dropped off at a different terminal, said goodbye to everyone, and walked through airport security again. This time my steps were opposite. They were full of faith. Nervous to come home and sad to be doing so, but still full of faith and confidence. I had just served a mission! Did I really just do that? Am I really finished? Is this real?!

I remember watching Arizona come back into view. Weird. It was not as green as I used to think it was :) We landed and I took my time before I met up with my family. I went to the restroom, brushed my hair (I mean, there were going to be cameras!), and said a prayer to myself. I stood in the airport just outside of security in the hallway praying that this moment of reunion I would be able to enjoy. I prayed that it would be all that I had dreamed it would be.

I walked to the security checkpoint. I was up on a ramp and down below I knew my family would be waiting. I stopped at the top of the ramp took a deep breath and bent down to see below. I saw Carla laying down on the ground. She spotted me and I could hear "I see a skirt! I see Jonna!" I took another deep breath, smiled, and embraced this moment. I may be sad about coming home, but I could still enjoy the moment of seeing my family again! I ran down the ramp with a skip in my step.

You can watch a video of my reunion here if you'd like.

What a wonderful moment. It was surreal. I never thought that day would come and it did. I had actually served a mission. I didn't think I could do it, but with the Savior's help, I did!

I carried a Book of Mormon nearly everyday of my mission. I carried it with me that day. I love that book. I know that it is a true book. It is the word of God. I came closer to Jesus Christ by reading it and living by it's precepts.

I know The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord's restored church today. It is the only true and living church on the earth. I know that it is led by God Himself through prophets and apostles.

I know that Jesus is the Christ. I know He is real and I love Him. I could not do what I had done without Him.

My mission changed my life. It gave me confidence that I had never dreamed of. I learned so many things that are blessing my life now.

On our last day, all the departing missionaries were asked to write their testimony and create a scrapbook page. The scrapbook page needed to list three things we learned on the mission and why we believe we were called to the Texas Houston East Mission. This is what I wrote:

That about sums it up!

The Best Summer of My Life

Hello Everyone!

This is Jonna. Remember me? I had a blog once. It was nothing special. Just a place I liked to share things. Then, I abandoned it for a mission. Which I do not regret :) More on that later.

I came home from my mission nearly a year ago. I figured it was time to start up the old blog again. 

I will write more about my mission in a few weeks. But, for now, I want to share with you why this summer was the best summer ever. It was LIT-ER-ALLY the best summer I've had in a long time (I even went back like 8 years to be sure). 

Brief background: my job ended in May, by now I knew full-well what relationship rejection felt like and I was reminded of it again, I was missing my mission extremely, I was struggling in my calling, and I had no plans past August 6th. It wasn't the worst place to be in the world, but it wasn't too fun either. I don't say this for pity, I say this for your benefit as you read what is ahead. 

My summer began! My brother AJ returned home from his mission in Orlando, Florida. It was the first time in nearly four years that our family has been together. What a wonderful reunion it was! 

Next, a week later our family saved up and went to Disneyland! Again, it was the first time in a long time that we had done this together and it was awesome. Loved every minute!

From LA as my family was traveling back home, I flew to Utah to start my summer as an EFY counselor. I had done this before my mission, but in all honesty, it was not exactly my favorite job. It was a rough experience and I thought to myself on the way to Utah, "Why am I doing this again?" I  knew it had to be the right decision...after all...everything fell into place! How could it not be? Nevertheless, I went forth (1 Nephi 4:7).

I spent a week in Provo doing a training session even though I had done this before. I was exhausted! I was just coming back from Disneyland, an airplane flight, and I now had to turn off the tired and turn on the excited. That was difficult. I found myself being down most of my training week. Why was I doing this? How could I do this all summer?? Well, the answer came that Thursday. I felt the Spirit of the Lord touch my heart, soften it, and opened my eyes to what He was trying to show me. I was going to have a spiritually charged summer. I was going to go back to my mission days temporarily and I was fixin' to have my life changed. I was sitting in a testimony meeting in Provo, Utah when I though, "OK, now I remember why I'm here."

The very next week I was in Flagstaff, AZ! Had a little road trip to myself and began as a real counselor. I had awesome Co-counselors ("co's") every single week. It was a tremendous blessing! I met some wonderful people and made some great friends. I had two weeks of EFY in Flagstaff. I loved all my kiddos and I loved my Co's. All of them blessed my life. I started to learn that I was going to be ok. I started to realize that there were righteous men out there who hold and honor the Priesthood of God. Honestly, I had started to give up on that. And, more so, I was starting to give up on the fact that there was one out there for me- that one would team up with me. In Flagstaff (and continued through the summer) I realized that I couldn't give up-that all things in their own due time :)

I also began to see how strong the rising generation is. They have some AWESOME potential to change the world.

Well, my days in Flagstaff ended. I went home for a two week break. It was nice to get the extra sleep, but I was itchin' to go back to EFY. I came back to my calling, frustrated that I didn't know what else to do to magnify it. I also spent those two weeks being with friends, thinking about what I had learned thus far, and trying to figure out my future in the fall. Nothing was coming to mind.

But, soon I was headed to EFY once more! This time, I was going to be gone for three weeks in Utah. My awesome friend, Monica drove up with me and we had an awesome road trip. We stopped in Vegas for fancy crepes even!

Well, I made it to Provo/Orem for two weeks of Stay-at-Home sessions. These two weeks were awesome. I got nearly 7 hours of sleep every night (a luxury at EFY), made awesome friends, sang a solo in FRONT of an actual audience, partied counselor style at In-N-Out and Applebees, and again, had awesome Co's and kiddos. 

I was so happy!! I was teaching the Gospel again. I was testifying of my Savior and I was learning so much from these wonderful youth! I was loving my experiences in Orem! I truly was. Once again, my awesome Co's were supportive, helpful, kind, and honorable. And, once again, the youth were so great to teach and learn from. They even taught me new dance moves. They were looking out for me.

Between my Orem sessions, I had the opportunity to hear my Mission President and his wife speak at their homecoming. I was looking forward so much to this event! I drove up to Salt Lake and walked into an unfamiliar chapel. I heard "Sister Jackson!!" Oh the sound! I miss being called Sister Jackson. What a thrill it was! I spent the next 4 hours reuniting with fellow missionaries and hearing words of wisdom from a couple I adore. They are second only to my own parents. I cannot describe the joy in my heart as I saw people that I had served shoulder to shoulder with in Houston. We were laborers in the vineyard together. We laughed and cried together. I share a bond with these people like I've never share a bond with once-strangers before. 

I left that reunion feeling so energized! I called my mom crying. I weeping for joy from the happiness I was feeling. I told her that I felt something changing for me. I was going to do things with my life. I didn't know what, but I knew that I was going to do things. My eyes were opening at the possibilities. I could travel, I could move to somewhere new, I could make new friends, I could find a job that was once beyond my reach, I could stop waiting around for my life to go on. I was going to do something about it!

I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for sending me on a mission. It changed my life and this reunion reminded me of that. I needed to let it continue to change my life. (More on my mission in the future)

Going on...I left Orem and drove to Cedar City for my last and final EFY session of the summer. I stopped by a couple temples on the way...

Mount Timpanogos (saw an old high school friend there! Tender mercy)

Payson, UT (where I was born!)

I arrived in Cedar City and ended up with more awesome roommates, awesome Co's, and awesome youth! We had an awesome week. We won banner and cheer-I have never seen such unity among youth as I did this week. I was in charge of solos for the musical program. Never had to run auditions...new experience!

I learned once again that there ARE righteous men who hold and honor the Priesthood out there. And, I learned that one day, I'll find one. But, that day is not this day. And, that is OK! I also learned more about the rising generation of youth. Already, many of them have experienced intense hardships that I can barely fathom. And, alongside of their trials, they are finding courage to stand strong and stay faithful to the Gospel. This rising generation will work miracles in the Lord's kingdom and I felt humbled that I was entrusted to share with them my testimony. The future is in good hands.

I drove home alone from Cedar City. Sad to see Utah go. I never want to live there, but it treated me very well this summer. I drove home, took my time, and enjoyed the trip. I love long road trips :)

I arrived home and now it was time to be back with the family. My sister, Jeri, was getting ready to leave on her own mission. I spent the week applying for jobs, cleaning out, going to Institute, and organizing my mission letters/photos. I decided to use my downtime wisely while I had it. I also felt new energy and motivation to continue to work hard in my calling. I felt revitalized and it has been a great experience in finding new joys in my calling.

Just as the summer began with welcoming home a missionary, it end with one departing. Soon, the very next week, it was time to say goodbye to Jeri. Another Sister Jackson is taking her place among the ranks of missionaries serving the Lord. She will do an awesome job. She was ready to go. Well, in MY opinion she was ready. She was sick, she was sad, she was a little unsure. But, knowing what I know now about my mission and life thus far, I know that she will be ok. Yes, there were tears, but I wanted her to leave so bad! I had just experienced an amazing summer -much of it due to the things I learned on my mission. And, although she can't see it, she is about to experience the same thing. I was happy to see her leave and to see her begin that journey. It is hard right now, trust me...I know! (Again, more about the mission to follow in another post) However, I know the joys that come from it. I'm excited for her.

Now, my summer is coming to a close. After 2 1/2 years, I am back in my old room (Jeri was using it). It feels strange. Things are different. But, that is ok. I am on the brink of exciting things in my life. I can feel it! 

This summer was full of life lessons. Heavenly Father showed me how far I had come in my life and He turned me around and was showing me what possibilities await in my future. I'm going for it. It will still be full or trials, saddness, even heartbreak and rejection. However, I know in Whom I put my trust. He has led me thus far and will continue to guide me further. I may need reminding. That is another reason why I've written this blog. I'll be re-reading this in the future I'm sure. 

This was the best summer I've had in a long, long time. And, it has been a turning point for me. Look out world. I'm on my way!

Best Halloween EVER

I 've been keeping a secret: I have decided to go on a mission!

Why keep a mission a secret? Simple. I've been wrestling with the decision for a while and I was afraid I'd back out. I didn't want to have to make TWO announcements. Can you blame me?

The call came on Halloween. As we were rushing around the kitchen trying to finish dinner for the missionaries, my dad casually walked in and handed me the envelope. Without anyone noticing, I stood there for a few moments just staring at the envelope. Am I really doing this? What am I thinking? Did I really just receive a mission call? The answer is yes.

There I was gathered with a few friends and family, answering the door to cute trick-or-treaters, and opening a mission call. Results? I will be serving in the Texas Houston East mission, English speaking, and I'll be reporting to the Provo MTC on February 8, 2012.

Wow. Who would have thought? Me. A missionary. I never thought it would happen. I think I've got some growing up to do.

What I Learned At EFY

Well, it has been just over a month since I've blogged. I have been back from EFY for over a week now. It is about time I blog about it! I spent 2 weeks in Flagstaff and 1 week in Thatcher. If time permitted, I would be continuing in other places. Sadly, I do not have that time.

I made some incredible friends. I feel like I learned more than I taught. I was tired all...the...time, but somehow, I was able to get through. I'd like to share what I learned during this process, but I will not elaborate. Some things are not to be shared on this blog, but in my own journal. If you must know go to EFY yourself :)

I learned:

1. What love really means

2. How to rely on the Lord for everything (physical, spiritual, etc)

3. A deeper appreciation for the 13th Article of Faith

4. What unity really means

5. The importance of consistent scripture study

6. To appreciate and invite the Spirit more

7. How to put others first-being selfless

8. Patience with others and myself

9. How to use my time wisely

10. That I can do hard things

Here are some photos of my experience:

My Flagstaff 1 girls!

Future Missionaries!

Our Session Directors

I was known as "Jo-Mama" during Flag 2

Company of Holy Hands

My Flagstaff 2 girls!

FHE Games-Human Knot

My Thatcher girls!

Company of "Smite the Earth"

A visit to Gila Valley Temple on the way home

Basically, it was the hardest, but most rewarding thing I've ever done! I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

Class of 2011

This is long overdue, but...I did it!! Let me tell you right now. If I can graduate from college...anyone can!

I graduated from ASU on Friday, May 13th. (Pretty lucky!) Upon arrival that morning, I was so ready to be finished! I wanted the festivities over with and done.

I wandered to the sea of caps and gowns to await the procession. As I stood there by myself among the other grads, I had 15 minutes to think about what was actually happening. I looked at everyone there and wondered about their journeys. How had they come to stand where I was now? Was their journey as long and hard as mine? Was it worse? What are their plans? Do they have great expectations for their future? How much of a relief was this graduation? Or was it one more step toward their other academic goals? Was I the only one who was not planning on getting this far?

Anyway, as I was pondering these thoughts, I was also anxious to get the ceremony over with. (I was tempted to ditch out-I ditched my MCC one a couple years ago) Finally, we walked into the Arena and I could hear the pomp and circumstance music playing. I knew my family was there watching me. And all of a sudden...I was overcome. I had made it. This is real. I was literally weeping with joy and relief.

Here are some photos from that long awaited day!

With my family! (Brooke White took this photo!)

If you don't know who Brooke White is, click here or here. She was a contestant on American Idol. A Mormon girl from Mesa! Her brother graduated with me. We were taking photos right next to her family. So cool!

With my parents

Finally!!

"I reached the light at the end of the tunnel! Thanks to my parents for the gentle pushes and to my Heavenly Father for the guidance."

Wahoo!!

For those of you who know me well, you know how much I do not like school. Ironic since I teach...

anyway, from Day 1 (January 22, 2007) I was a wreck:

(and I'm not joking...I was not a happy camper)

Well, apparently life goes on even when things are hard. With some community college in there, I finally ended up turning into one of these:

I can honestly say that I literally endured college. Yes, there were some great times, but also some not-so-great times. I regret that I wasn't happy about it all the time, but I don't regret it enough to do it again. I am grateful for the experience. I am grateful to have a degree. I am grateful for all the things I learned in the last 4 1/2 years. Mostly, I am grateful that it is over. (Now, I have to find a real job and work forever, but that isn't until next week)

Now, on Day 1643, I can feel like this:

Next up: Graduation!

Get Me Outta Here!

The clock is winding down...Only THREE more days until I can officially call it quits. Homework will be a thing of the past. First, I have to get through these last 3 days. 2 exams and 1 major paper.

Wish me luck!

Graduation, Here I Come!

It is official! I have applied for graduation! Now, all I have to do is wait for my application to be accepted and finish the semester! Whoohoo!!

In ALL honestly, I never thought I'd see the light at the end of this looong, dark, and damp tunnel. But, let me tell you...it is there!

I am officially out of shape!

I just ran a quarter mile (as a homework assignment). I am out of breath. I got only half way through (what, like an 1/8th mile??) and I could barely keep it to a jog. Almost started walking.

What does this tell me? I am more out of shape than I realized.

My new goal: Take this "Concepts of Fitness & Wellness" online class seriously. I will be able to run a quarter mile by the end of the semester.

Ow...cramp...can't breathe...I can barely type...gotta go.

Ever Start Something Seemingly Difficult?

Ever finish that seemingly difficult task? Did you look back and say, "Wow, where did the time go?" or "It wasn't really that hard after all." Perhaps the response was: "That was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I'd never want to do it again." or "I'd do it again even though I know how hard it was." After every hard thing in my life, my responses have ranged from these to similar ones.

Well, on Tuesday, I begin my last semester at ASU. I will finish my college experience and move on to the working-full-time-and-trying-to-support-myself-like-adults-should-do experience. Wow.

My mom can testify that from day one of college, I was bawling my eyes out because I didn't want to go. However, somehow, I stuck it out. And here I am. On the brink of a new and final semester. Yay!

It is a little scary knowing that I have to leave my comfort zone of being in school and step out into the new world of "being responsible." Yikes. I don't know if I'm ready or not, but the time for preparation is almost past. So, I'm gonna have to do the best I can.

Wish me luck.